Columbus Day
by Soulless Warlock
Summary: With everyone distracted with a Vitamin D-addled cohort, the rest of the glee club leaves Brittany to her own devices and lets her handle their holiday PSA. Nothing can go...Who am I kidding? Of course, things are gonna go wrong.


**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot to this story and my OCs. The rest all belongs to Ryan Murphy, Ian Brennan, Brad Falchuk, and the boys at Rooster Teeth. The other OCs belong to Cola-Flavoured-Sherbert.**

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**Timeline: Set in early Season Three.**

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The camera turned on and a blonde-haired girl in a red and white cheerleader uniform darted out in front of it.

"Hello," she greeted her potential audience, "my name is Brittany S. Pierce from the popular glee club, Nude Erections."

The camera seemed to pull back to reveal that they were outside of McKinley High, one the members of the glee club darting by, as if chasing something.

"Hey, we need more cameras over here," the voice of Puck called out.

"Um…" Brittany's intro continued, "the guys are busy setting up for our new episode, F Asians, so they asked me to do our holiday PSA."

Another camera focused on the glee club, which was currently chasing around one of their members, Dylan Armstrong, who was in the throes of a Vitamin D high.

"Uh oh," Finn shouted, dodging a right hand, "get him under control!

Dylan grunted in frustration as he attempted to attack Finn, Puck and Jack Harmon,

_ "_How?!"

"Come here buddy, over here," Jack taunted. "You wanna treat? Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy? Come over here."

Brittany watched the scene and turned back to the camera. "Today," she stated, "everyone all over the world is celebrating Compass day," a giant compass appeared on the primer behind her, "this is the day that compasses were invented," the picture shifted to someone in a crowd, holding a sign with a broken compass that read _Are We Having Fun Yet?"_ "Which eventually lead to people inventing America."

Jack connected with the floor, Dylan's forearm leaving an imprint in his forehead.

"You got that wrong, Theorist," he said, pulling himself to his feet.

"What are we celebrating then?" Brittany asked quickly.

Jack cringed as Finn took a shot to the groin and Puck took a kick to the mouth. "The day Christopher Columbus discovered America," he stated.

"Right, and that's Columbia day," Brittany said, the primer revealing a picture of Hugo Chavez in full military regalia along with a bird in a red hat perched on his shoulder.

"No," Rachel shouted, entering the scene, "not Columbia. Columbus. And he's from Venezuela anyway."

Brittany quickly cut off Rachel. "Oh, I meant Columbia day!"

The primer changed to a poster of a man with a pipe wearing a Columbia sweater.

Puck put the finishing touches on restraining Dylan and asked, "And what would that be?"

Brittany, now ignoring the fact that her boyfriend was tied up, explained her idea with a smile, "The day that Columbus was accepted to Columbia University."

"Yeah," Puck said with a roll of his eyes, "getting into Columbia, that's something to celebrate."

"What's your problem?" Jack asked.

Puck shrugged. "I'm a Harvard man."

Jack and Finn exchanged startled looks.

"Today we celebrate Columbo day!" Brittany announced with finality as a picture of Peter Falk appeared behind her.

"Close enough?" Finn asked.

"I guess," Jack replied before asking, "who cares? It's a stupid holiday anyway."

"Columbo day is the day that the private detective from Spain was trying to find India," but found another place instead!" A map of North America appeared on camera. "He called that place America. Which is the Spanish word for 'Not-India-Land'."

As she said this, the words 'Oops-This-Is-Not-India-Land' appeared on the map.

"Hey, can somebody just cut off the cameras," Jack commanded, "before she humiliates us anymore?"

But, Brittany would not be deterred. "That also led to the discovery of a land to the north, which Columbo called Cañada." No sooner did she say that, did the mangled spelling of Canada appeared on the map, "Cañada is Spanish for 'You're welcome'."

"What?" Finn chocked out.

"Then after that they found a place to the south they called Mexico," Brittany added. "Of course, Mexico is the Spanish word for 'Spain'."

With that, the words Spanish Spain on the screen.

"Make her stop!" Puck screamed.

"We'll unplug the cameras," Rachel said, grabbing Jack and vanishing out of range.

"We celebrate Columbo day by getting lost and not going to the bank, or post office," Brittany rambled on while words like 'Polar Bears' and 'India' appeared in the surrounding areas of the maps.

"Sorry, Britt, show's over," Rachel declared. "Where's the power button on this thing?"

"Just smash them!" Jack suggested.

"The hell you will!" Artie screamed.

"But," Brittany pouted, "I didn't get to say "see you mangia" to the Cañadans!"

"I'm sure they're okay with that," Jack said sarcastically.

"Come on," Puck said, "let's just work on the episode."

"Happy Columbo Day, everyone!" Brittany said brightly as the cameras' audio went silent.

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**A/N: And I've got another PSA done. This is one of my favorite RvB PSAs and I really hope I did it justice. I guess I'll you guys (and girls) be the judge of it.**

**Signed**  
**Soulless Warlock**


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